When Everything Falls into Place

It's a post Thanksgiving post I guess! I'm just stating how happy I am with life at the moment. She makes me happy. I'm sure everyone knows that from the previous post. I definitely have strong feelings for her. It'll be our 1 year next week. Yeah. Next week! It's my longest relationship for sure. It seems like everything is falling into place with her. We got some stuff settled, we love each others company, we miss each other even when we had to leave each other for 5 minutes, we go out of the way for each other, and we are happy with each other. All I can say, I am really into her. If I know one word to describe all of this, it definitely is what I'm thinking. She hasn't said it but her actions and feelings tells me that. It's something that she doesn't have to tell me but I know she does. Everything is perfect. What more can I ask when I'm happy with her.

I'm Happy

As many of you can see, the tittle definitely suggest how happy I am and I for one am. I saw a really good quote and it went like this " Don't search for love, search for someone that makes you happy. Sooner of later, that happiness will evolve into love". You can say I really do like this quote and it is does make good sense.
As I haven't updated in a while, the girl and I got back together. We felt that our feeling were important and we don't seem to be happy when we are not together. Something that I really do agree. Since we got back together, I definitely can say that there was never a day where I find myself unhappy. She made me really happy and I make her happy as well. I always have a good time with her. I really do feel we can talk about literally anything together. Everything seems great. I think about her all the time. I'm really glad I got a chance to meet her. I for one am thankful to meet someone that makes me really happy.

A month or so after

It's been a while since the last post. I felt like I needed to write to get my thoughts out. As of late, I have been talking to her and hanging out with her a lot. Albeit, it's just as friends but it's still enjoyable. We have lunch and seem to converse fairly well. Went to the fair and oh my gosh. It was magnificent. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much and it just reminds me why I am fond of her. There's plenty of reasons to be honest. We went to the Dolly Parton concert and that was hilarious and awesome as well. I know what's going through the reader's mind at the moment. "What is going on?" We have talked about our differences and problems that we had. I liked her a lot and I wanted to give her a chance to think about us. I thought everything was going well. We can't stop talking to each other, our lives improve when we have one another and we make each other happy. Before I left for St. Louis, this is what I seemed to be getting. She said she has made her decision. Till today, I'm not sure what the decision was but I felt it was good since the both of us are happy. She wanted to make sure over the weekend that her decision is right.... however, it's fairly clear to me now how she went distant all of a sudden. I could sense a change of heart. It just somewhat shouted out. I had to initiate conversation, we couldn't converse with each other. You could tell the difference.
This continued till Wednesday. Come Wednesday, she asked "What are my thoughts of her religion?" I replied " It's a good teaching and I really like it. I would like to tell you more but it's hard via text". She said "it's our right to choose and that doesn't have to be the same" yet it followed by " I think we should be friends right now". I felt such opposite views being shot at me. Somehow I felt this was bothering her. I understand. It's important. Yet, I got somewhat reminded of the time when someone considered me a "lost soul" or when a friend made an impending judgement that I would end up in hell. However, I know she isn't like that. She's not the type to judge a person. She does want to make sure she knows what I'm thinking in the long run. I decided to open up and tell her of my experience on the good and bad of what I've exposed to. Perhaps I opened up but I didn't want to hide anything. I gave her a few views of what I think and it seemed good.
Well, despite that I still get the lack of response. I still have to initiate the conversation. I think I am done with initiating the conversation when I feel people are not interested to converse. We talked about this after the break up and it seemed like we got it fixed but I think we went back to square one where this happened. Conversations were one sided, and I seemed to be the one initiating everything. If she needs space, I'll give it to her. She said it feels weird and we don't talk. I agree but why does she become distant and make it do apparent. I don't know the answers but it's all up to her if she wants to tell me.
To be honest, she makes me happy and I think I make her happy. The world seems right when we are happy and together. I guess it's her choice and I do respect what she has chosen. I'm willing to wait till she manages to know the answers to her own questions. For how long, I'm not too sure but I'm willing for someone that makes me happy.

Onto the Future

It's been a while since my last update. I think everything is going alright. It has been somewhat relieving and somewhat intriguing. I had lunch with her and as always, I feel so comfortable around her. I just know her so well and beginning to trust her with my feelings. I don't know how she feels yet but I know I'm opening up to her a lot. I want to be there for her and being supportive. I was really happy at lunch and seeing her just gives me butterfly in my stomach. She always had this effect.
We talked a little, and it was good that we talked. We don't know what the future hold for us but as we are working on fixing the problems, I think it's good for the future. If we do end up getting back together after fixing the problems, I think we have built a solid foundation and our relationship will only be stronger. We'll see how it goes. I'm giving her all the time and space. At times, I would decide not to text her. I don't want to persistently be there that she gets annoyed by my presence. If it doesn't work out, I'm still not too sure how to handle it. I don't think I'm ready to see her with another guy just yet. It would remind me of the previous girls that I dated always either cheat or opt for another guy. If she decides to date someone else, I know that guy is really lucky. She is a really nice, sweet and beautiful girl.

Bucket List

Here's the bucket list that I created:

1. Own my very own house
2. Own a beach house (This is something very later on)
3. Run 5Ks in less than 25 mins
4. Learn to play the guitar
5. Travel around Europe, South America and parts of Asia with my friends or significant other
6. Attend a World Cup game (preferably Brazil 2014 and to watch my favorite team, Brazil play)
7. To have good abs at some point in my life
8. Learn another foreign language (Spanish)
9. Skydiving
10. Get on a hot air balloon.
11. Go to the 7 wonders of the world
12. Attend a concert by Eric Clapton, Paul McCartney and Santana
13. Visit New York for New Years days
14. To love and be loved
15. Buy my parents whatever they want
16. To somehow get my dad to attend all the concerts that I go
17. Buy my mom the car of her dreams
18. Make adventures with my significant other
19. Learn a new sports
20. Attend a Manchester United game
21. To go to Vegas with my dad
22. Be very good at skiing
23. Learn to bake a cake
24. Learn to cook food from 5 different cultures (so far only 1 is done)
25. Attend the wedding of all my best friends

So far, I only made a few but I'll think of more and add it as it comes.

Songs

While running, my iPhone played two random songs and even though it's corny but that was how I felt. I tried to use the emotion while running, telling myself I'll reach my goal once I finish the run.

Here are the two songs:
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
and
Time after time by Eva Cassidy

That's just how I felt at the moment and there are some parts of the lyrics telling me how I felt and how I like to share moments that just can't be replaced.

Hopefully some time tomorrow I can post my bucket list.

All is Well

All is well. That is what I keep telling myself. I have started talking with her again after talking to her mom. It seems like I poured my heart out telling how I feel to her mom. She's always there to listen and that is something I'll never forget. We have started talking again and even though not much is being said about the past, it is fair to say that we are taking mini steps on trying to fix our miscommunication. I'm trying not to dwell on the past and instead focus on the future. Right now, having the communication worked on is definitely a plus. I feel I can open up more to her and that was something that I seem to have a problem. Since the previous posts were deleted, my problem to mention what I feel or how I perceive thing has not changed. Probably because the last time I poured my heart out and tell people how I feel only end up with me being hurt. All in all, she was not like that and I should have done that without fearing that I was judged based on what I said.
As mother Theresa once said "If you can judge people, then you don't have time to love" and I see her point now. I've been doing good with friends. I have always had friends that don't judge you based on looks,religion or anything else. I had a girl like that but we had our issue. Hopefully it gets worked out. At the moment, I have no idea where this is leading to but I'm taking my time talking to her and hopefully she and I will develop trusts for each other. I'll admit I still do have feelings for her but I'm trying to fix our problems first rather than about my feelings. Secretly I hope for one thing but I don't know whether it is possible. All in all, I think trying to understand each other is one important foundation.

What now?

I broke my rule and made contact with her. I was going through some of the stuff, I came across her Power Rangers DVD. Gosh, that made me miss her so much. I had to ask her if she wanted it back. It was her favorite season. We talked a little and to my surprise she was going through a tough time with this as well. I didn't know she would because she thought of me as her friend rather than as her boyfriend. I do love her though and I feel it is harder for me to get over her. The only thought going through my head is how come she's going through a tough time when she doesn't love me?
I miss her and maybe we rushed the whole break up without even working it out. The only problem I had was that she doesn't love me. I don't want to force her to love me when she doesn't. Deep down I wish she has feelings for me and want to get back with me.
Sigh, now I'm selling the Katy Perry ticket. I could have gone but not without her. I would have wished her to be by my side holding my hands and that would make me miss her a lot. I thought of mailing her the DVD and the tickets but I don't want to trouble her.

Part and Parcel of Growing Up

As it may seem like a new blog, but in reality this blog is actually fairly old. I have deleted my old posts as it was a few years back and I can fairly say that I have grown up a whole lot and having different opinions on certain matters.
It looks like I only seem to blog when I go through a little life changing experience. How many life changing experiences does everyone counter? It seems almost infinite and it only puts to perspective that the old saying of "you'll learn something new everyday" seem very true. My previous life changing experience was about school and how I was unable to decide my future. I wasn't sure about med school due to certain circumstances. Very few people know about my decision of med school. Then opens another door in life where I got into a field that makes me think, use my creativity and gives me the same thrill as med school will. The thrill I speak of is the thrill of solving a puzzle.
Moving on 2 years forward, I have graduated with my mechanical engineering degree and now I'm pursuing my masters. Everything seems to fall in place as what I saw when I first open my door. In this door, I met so many people and I met a girl that I would give all my feelings for. In which leads to this blog. I got another life changing experience. This time it came in a manner of knowing what I want from a person that I want to wake up to every morning.
About this experience, I fell for a girl that I truly do like for everything she stands for and everything she is and whoever she is with. In reality, I liked everything about her. I did have to go through a certain spell of uncertainty and everything went great after our time off from dating. There was passion, intimacy and we can talk about a lot of stuff. However, somewhere towards the end I guess we somewhat drift apart. There was a lack of communication and intimacy, I was afraid to ask her anything. I partially blame myself for this as I had a fear in me that I would offend her if I were to confront about what I feel. I didn't want to put myself in a position where I would seem to be a needy boyfriend. I was wrong in this aspect. As a couple, I should have told her how I felt about certain aspects and we could have perhaps worked on this.
I don't think I can say I'm wrong for feeling the need to be wanted at times. Everyone wants the feeling of being wanted by their loved ones. For not being wanted, I can say that it is a punishment far greater than death. I wanted her to know that I do love her and that I did my very best. However it seems like that I did not for if I had told her sooner about it, this might have been fixed. Anyway, there's no use regretting the past and I can say that in the end this led to her feeling that we are just friends and she couldn't develop any feelings for me.
Feelings now just seem to hit me hard at once. I was devastated, hurt, confused but self reflecting seems to be very helpful. I know now that to have a relationship that lasts long, we need better communication, intimacy and willingness to sacrifice bit parts of our time. In a short summary, I know now that a relationship is nothing more than a two way street and we have to give in order to receive. It may seem easy but I will never underestimate this ever again. Never let fear get hold of you.
For now, all that seems to come in my mind is "what if" and whether she feels the same way as I do at the moment. She said she only feels for me as friend. It seems like she has been feeling that way for a while and I feel that she's probably dealing with this much easier than I am and back doing what she always does because she is a strong willed girl.
I find myself asking this every minute of the day " What is she doing? Does she think of me? Does she feel the way I do? Is she having second thoughts?" but right now all I can do is try to look forward and perhaps time will heal. Blogging and the quote below is helping me out so much at the moment.

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end." - Paolo Coelho